Enough Is Not A Number.

A crucial step to making any sort of change is setting a goal. Goal setting is a powerful tool. It gives the mind something to focus on. It allows strategies and action steps to be effectively planned and implemented. Having a goal also sets a standard when deciding whether or not action steps have been successful.

Notice I have not said that setting goals and meeting them will make you satisfied with yourself.  It will not make you 100% healthy and happy in all areas of your life. It may seem self evident or ridiculous when I put it that way, but this is an important point.

People load their goals with feelings and expectations. We never really want the goal in and of itself. What we really want is all of the other stuff that we think attaining that goal will bring.

Earning a million dollars means nothing. What is desirable about earning a million dollars is the financial freedom it brings. Similarly, losing 20 pounds or fitting into size 4 jeans actually means nothing if these changes are not accompanied by confidence and positive self image.

Nobody really wants to look like Kate Moss. People think they want to look like Kate Moss because they imagine looking like a super model will allow them to love themselves, feel comfortable in their skin and confident in any situation.

The sad truth is that many models look in the mirror and only see their flaws.  Anorexic women have dangerously low body weight; yet still view themselves as over weight.  People who have millions in the bank feel that they do not have enough.

Enough is not a number. We cannot measure our sufficiency in dollars or pounds. Underlying every goal, every change we wish to make is the feeling that we are not good enough.

When a person feels insufficient there is nothing they can obtain that will ever fill the void. There will never be enough jewellery, interesting books, diet advice, loving partners or chocolate cake to make up for your own feelings of inadequacy.

I am not saying that we should never try to improve. On the contrary, I firmly believe that there is untapped potential in all of us for better health and to create and reap more value in the world. However, there is a big difference between working everyday to be the best version of ourselves and expecting that a deep-rooted self esteem issue will be resolved by changing our bodies or bank accounts.

It is crucial to investigate why we are working towards our goals. If we do not ask ourselves the hard questions, dig up our beliefs in every area, analyze these beliefs for flaws and lay the foundation for true happiness in our lives, then nothing we achieve will ever be enough.  

Can You Eat That?

As an Eat By Design Coach and someone who has been Eating By Design for several years now, there are certain questions that I am used to hearing over and over again. This is one that I would like to lay to rest: “Can you eat that? 

The answer is always “Yes.” 

I CAN eat pasta. I CAN eat donuts. I CAN eat an entire loaf of bread covered in peanut butter, dipped in high fructose corn syrup and rolled in chocolate sprinkles (at least I’m pretty sure I could if I tried.)

A much better question is “Will you eat that?”

I know it sounds like I am being picky about the semantics here, but there is a very important difference.

I have noticed a trend among people who eat differently from the majority in their social group. They will explain their food choices by saying “oh, no I can’t eat that” usually in an apologetic tone. It’s like they would eat what ever food it is, but some mythical diet police will pop out of the walls and tackle them if they do. This is not just an Eat By Design thing. I’ve heard it from vegetarian and vegan friends and people on a variety of short-term diet plans.

The issue is that by saying “I can’t” you are abdicating the responsibility for the choice that you are making.

Instead of affirming a belief that one is making a positive choice for their health and choosing not to eat certain foods, the blame is put on the rule. Conscious decision-making and free will are taken out of the equation.

Let me give you an example:

“Sorry, I would love to eat that cake, but I’m doing this Eat By Design thing, so I can’t.”  

In this scenario, the speaker takes minimal responsibility for their actions and it almost sounds like the Eat By Design enforcers are punishing them and keeping them from eating the cake.

If you are choosing to Eat By Design because you want to be more awesome, great! 

If you choose not to eat grains, legumes, low fat dairy, processed sugar and refined oils, we totally support that! But nobody is going to hold a gun to your head. 

I would MUCH rather hear you say “Sure I can eat that pizza but I am choosing not to" than “No, sorry, my diet says I can’t.” 

The more you say “I can’t…” the less certainty you will have. It is when you start saying “I won’t…” and "I choose not to..." that your self-esteem and your conviction grow.

I suppose the reason why the question “Can you eat that?” bothers me, is because it assumes that I am some mindless drone to a diet-cult that I belong to.  

For the sake of building relationships and not being a social pariah, I typically answer in a nice polite tone “Yes, but no thank you.” But in my head I am shouting “OF COURSE I CAN EAT THAT! I CAN EAT WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT. I JUST DON’T WANT TO PUT THAT IN MY BODY!”

 Now you know. 

So please don’t ask, because inside… there’s a lot of shouting.